As I sit here with only 4 real days of school remaining, I can't believe that I've lasted this long without a real mental breakdown. I was reading over my first few posts and I'm laughing at them now; how nervous I was and how I thought I'd never be able to get through this school year. Its at the end now and I'm thinking back to what I could have done better. I know there were moments that I could have fixed things and moments where I possibly could have been a bit more lenient, but when I actually think about it, I did my best. I am my mother's daughter all the way and people who know my mother and have seen me teach say we teach very similar and we expect the same things from our students. I've seen the struggles that my mother has had to put up with teaching in a University setting and she has meant so much to me with being my real mentor through everything I've been through this year.
I'm a bit worried about my film class. They have had this week to try and get their film edited, but they have done very little during class or after school. Yesterday I stayed until 7pm because they said they were coming back in to finish the film. They left about 3:30 and never came back. The only reason I stayed for so long was because I was required to go to Senior Honor's Night (they require all the faculty to be at that) and I didn't think it was a good idea for me to go home and have to come back. I was disappointed that the editors didn't come back. Now I'm wondering if they really realize the impact that this will have on their grade if they don't get a final film ready to be shown on Tuesday. I'm not planning on staying that late today, but from the looks of it, I probably will. They have class today, so we'll see what they accomplish in class. (If previous classes are any indication, then they won't get much done).
The multimedia class has turned in their final portfolios and I'm impressed. Many of them chose to go with a blog format and a few decided to do a printed book. I like what I'm seeing. Considering many of them came into this class with very little skill in these programs, I am happy to see what they've accomplished. I taught them the basics and they decided to take it to the next level.
The computer tech class I will be happy to see go away. I understand that the majority of the students are freshmen, but it has been kind of rough to teach. They are still used to the "I'll-hold-your-hand" approach to teaching and that isn't the way that I do things. We'll see what happens with their final grades. Everything is due today and I know that there are some students who, when I put a 0 on everything they haven't turned in, will come in Monday and want to turn it in for full credit. Not happening. I have a big announcement on my board that states "All work is due today. Anything turned in Monday will be Half-Credit! No Exceptions!" and it is amazing how many students said "You can't do that!" when it is clearly defined in my disclosure and syllabus that they are handed at the beginning of the year and I continually tell them throughout the class.
I'm still waiting on the job front to see if there is anything available. I'm a bit frustrated by everything that has been going on and said here at this job, but I've got evidence that I did nothing against contract and if what has been said to me is true, they have breached contract law. Starting my own business seems to be what I need to do, but substituting is another option. I've got a few contacts at private schools that I'll be looking up this coming week and I'm in the middle of putting together my vitae to hand to them. I'm hoping that something shows up. I missed the teacher fair this year because I wasn't able to get a substitute for it, so it may be that I have to go to the one in the fall and see if there is anything available in the state. I can't move out just yet so I've got to take what is available and plausible.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 172
Looks like we're going to be a day short. Usually there are 180 days, but because they decided to make Monday a full teacher professional development day instead of a half day, we are 1 day short. Gasp! I doubt there is going to be a riot or anything. I doubt the school board even noticed. They don't notice anything that doesn't directly phase them (like when someone suggests taking a little out of their 6 figure salaries!)
Anyway, I am getting to the point that I would really like to be out of here. My department doesn't want me around and they are making it quite evident. Like Monday. Monday was a professional development day. Usually that means sitting around in meetings with your department. When I found out they had a guest speaker coming in, I was kind of excited that I wouldn't have to be alone with my department. Then I found out it would be the other high school as well and it would be at the local university. Nice. In a big room, that I wouldn't have to sit at a table with my department. No so. I walked in the room and what do they have us do? Sit with our departments. Ugg. That was the worst! They ignored a lot of what I had to say, but they also treated it as if I wasn't there. At one point, one of my department colleagues actually leaned in as to cut me off from the conversation. And to make matters worse, when I finally got something out in the open (because I wanted my opinion heard and the guest speaker had just stopped at our table) one of them rolled her eyes and gave a little "huh". Fine with me. If that is the way you want to play the game, so be it. If they want to act similar to their students, go right ahead.
But I'm trying my hardest to make this last week and a half count. My film students are going to have a screening on Tuesday the 25th. They finished all their filming for a half hour film in about 14-hours of shooting last week. They've got about that much in editing left, but I'm not sure if they realize that. I'll see them in class today and ask if they are ready for this or not. I'm excited to see their hard work play out. One thing that made me feel like I had actually done my job was when one of them came up to me last Friday and said "thanks. I've learned more on this shoot than I have in the past few years of taking this class. You made it real." Makes me feel that at least I've reached 1 student. I think I've reached more, but we'll see what happens when everything is finished and they have their talk-back session after the screening.
The multimedia students are getting ready to turn in their final portfolios. I think some of them aren't going to make it, but we'll see what they end up turning in. I've seen some of the work and I think they've come a long way from where they started.
Luckily enough state testing is over with. At least for my students. I like that feeling. It is nice to be able to look over the scores and see that only a few students (those who rarely came to class) are the ones that failed. Those who came to class on a semi-regular basis passed and I even had 1 student ace the test! Yay for me (and yay for her!).
There are a bunch of meetings and "social events" that are scheduled for the faculty next week and I'm hoping that I don't have to go. They usually make up sit with our departments and that is something that I don't want to do. Part of me is kind of happy that I am leaving. This isn't the type of environment that I want to work in. It isn't healthy. They have their clique, so be it. I promised myself that I would never treat my colleagues the way they are treating me.
Anyway, I am getting to the point that I would really like to be out of here. My department doesn't want me around and they are making it quite evident. Like Monday. Monday was a professional development day. Usually that means sitting around in meetings with your department. When I found out they had a guest speaker coming in, I was kind of excited that I wouldn't have to be alone with my department. Then I found out it would be the other high school as well and it would be at the local university. Nice. In a big room, that I wouldn't have to sit at a table with my department. No so. I walked in the room and what do they have us do? Sit with our departments. Ugg. That was the worst! They ignored a lot of what I had to say, but they also treated it as if I wasn't there. At one point, one of my department colleagues actually leaned in as to cut me off from the conversation. And to make matters worse, when I finally got something out in the open (because I wanted my opinion heard and the guest speaker had just stopped at our table) one of them rolled her eyes and gave a little "huh". Fine with me. If that is the way you want to play the game, so be it. If they want to act similar to their students, go right ahead.
But I'm trying my hardest to make this last week and a half count. My film students are going to have a screening on Tuesday the 25th. They finished all their filming for a half hour film in about 14-hours of shooting last week. They've got about that much in editing left, but I'm not sure if they realize that. I'll see them in class today and ask if they are ready for this or not. I'm excited to see their hard work play out. One thing that made me feel like I had actually done my job was when one of them came up to me last Friday and said "thanks. I've learned more on this shoot than I have in the past few years of taking this class. You made it real." Makes me feel that at least I've reached 1 student. I think I've reached more, but we'll see what happens when everything is finished and they have their talk-back session after the screening.
The multimedia students are getting ready to turn in their final portfolios. I think some of them aren't going to make it, but we'll see what they end up turning in. I've seen some of the work and I think they've come a long way from where they started.
Luckily enough state testing is over with. At least for my students. I like that feeling. It is nice to be able to look over the scores and see that only a few students (those who rarely came to class) are the ones that failed. Those who came to class on a semi-regular basis passed and I even had 1 student ace the test! Yay for me (and yay for her!).
There are a bunch of meetings and "social events" that are scheduled for the faculty next week and I'm hoping that I don't have to go. They usually make up sit with our departments and that is something that I don't want to do. Part of me is kind of happy that I am leaving. This isn't the type of environment that I want to work in. It isn't healthy. They have their clique, so be it. I promised myself that I would never treat my colleagues the way they are treating me.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 169
State Testing has commenced. I have students who are seriously stressing out because of it. It isn't that big of a deal, but with the way they are all acting, you would think that it was the end of the world if they didn't pass this test. Luckily enough we haven't had any major meltdowns (students or computers) yet so I'm hoping that the rest of testing goes this smoothly.
I'm still in the middle of everything when it comes to my job. I'm not a fan of the way it was handled and the more I find out about the "situation" the more I have a bitter taste in my mouth. I really want to do something about it, but for the moment I am on a fact finding mission and I have to keep telling myself to "keep your mouth shut." I'm started chewing gum (one of my pet peeves!) so I have something to occupy my mouth if I have an issue with someone. The one thing I can say about it all is one of the reasons I wasn't considered for the job again was my "teaching style". Apparently because I get results and I set the bar high for them to achieve, I am considered strict. Yep, because I have high expectations and hold to them, I am strict. I don't understand it either.
I have seen great improvement in how my students act when I hold them accountable for their actions. I have seen improvement in how the students achieve when I tell them that I won't accept "I can't" as an answer. I have seen my film students grow because I am pushing them to finish their final film and use the knowledge that I have shown them. I am seeing results. If that means I am strict, then so be it.
I'm still in the middle of everything when it comes to my job. I'm not a fan of the way it was handled and the more I find out about the "situation" the more I have a bitter taste in my mouth. I really want to do something about it, but for the moment I am on a fact finding mission and I have to keep telling myself to "keep your mouth shut." I'm started chewing gum (one of my pet peeves!) so I have something to occupy my mouth if I have an issue with someone. The one thing I can say about it all is one of the reasons I wasn't considered for the job again was my "teaching style". Apparently because I get results and I set the bar high for them to achieve, I am considered strict. Yep, because I have high expectations and hold to them, I am strict. I don't understand it either.
I have seen great improvement in how my students act when I hold them accountable for their actions. I have seen improvement in how the students achieve when I tell them that I won't accept "I can't" as an answer. I have seen my film students grow because I am pushing them to finish their final film and use the knowledge that I have shown them. I am seeing results. If that means I am strict, then so be it.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Day 166
I am still on the angry side of things, but at least now I have all my lesson plans, worksheets, and tests out of the office. So if anyone enters my office when I'm not around, then they won't find any of my materials. I have come to school a couple times last week and found my office unlocked and I know that I locked it the night before.
But I'm just trying to last out the remaining days of the school year. Yes, I am "under contract" until July 31 so that means I still have to go to all those "meetings" or "workshops", but at least I'll get the training I need and on the school district's dime.
My students in my film and multimedia classes now know. The look of shock on their faces has been "amazing". I say that because I don't think any teacher has ever told them the truth about not coming back the next year. I think they usually just sign up for classes and go through the motions until the next school year and that is when they find out if their teachers are the same or not. There have been some rumors floating around my classroom that a few of my students are starting a petition to keep me here. I can't say anything "legally" on the subject to them, but I can tell them that they need to do what they believe is right.
But school has to continue on, no matter how much I don't want to come into work anymore.
My film students are getting ready to film their final project this week. They have Mon-Thur to film and they've left Friday as a re-shoot day if necessary. I think they are pretty prepared for everything that they have to do. It'll be interesting to see how far they actually take their filming and their storytelling. The script that they have is pretty long (about 30 pages) which is usually about a minute a page, so a 30 minute film. They've never done anything that long before so I'll see if they can actually pull it off. We're in the process of setting up a screening for the 25th. When I mentioned it to them, they all got really excited. I think they just want to be recognized for their work. I don't blame them.
The multimedia students are finishing up their portfolios. I'm not looking forward to actually having to grade those things, but I am excited to see what they actually get finished. I think a few of the students aren't going to finish it, but we'll see when that happens. They take their state test on Thursday. I'm hoping that they do well in it. This half of the test is a bit wonky with everything they need to know.
The computer tech students take their tests on Wed-Thur this week as well. Those are always the days that I have issues. Either a student refuses to take the test or just decides not to show up or the computers go down in the middle of testing. I hope nothing happens because I'm running a little short on time this term. They also have to present their powerpoints and we're going to have to rush through all of that.
I had a few students start to complain about the fact that I'm not going to have any open labs this week after school and I won't open my lab during lunch. If I was to open my lab during lunch I wouldn't get the break that I so desperately need by that time of the day. Plus, I wouldn't be able to have too much control over who uses my lab.
Ugg. 14 more days.
But I'm just trying to last out the remaining days of the school year. Yes, I am "under contract" until July 31 so that means I still have to go to all those "meetings" or "workshops", but at least I'll get the training I need and on the school district's dime.
My students in my film and multimedia classes now know. The look of shock on their faces has been "amazing". I say that because I don't think any teacher has ever told them the truth about not coming back the next year. I think they usually just sign up for classes and go through the motions until the next school year and that is when they find out if their teachers are the same or not. There have been some rumors floating around my classroom that a few of my students are starting a petition to keep me here. I can't say anything "legally" on the subject to them, but I can tell them that they need to do what they believe is right.
But school has to continue on, no matter how much I don't want to come into work anymore.
My film students are getting ready to film their final project this week. They have Mon-Thur to film and they've left Friday as a re-shoot day if necessary. I think they are pretty prepared for everything that they have to do. It'll be interesting to see how far they actually take their filming and their storytelling. The script that they have is pretty long (about 30 pages) which is usually about a minute a page, so a 30 minute film. They've never done anything that long before so I'll see if they can actually pull it off. We're in the process of setting up a screening for the 25th. When I mentioned it to them, they all got really excited. I think they just want to be recognized for their work. I don't blame them.
The multimedia students are finishing up their portfolios. I'm not looking forward to actually having to grade those things, but I am excited to see what they actually get finished. I think a few of the students aren't going to finish it, but we'll see when that happens. They take their state test on Thursday. I'm hoping that they do well in it. This half of the test is a bit wonky with everything they need to know.
The computer tech students take their tests on Wed-Thur this week as well. Those are always the days that I have issues. Either a student refuses to take the test or just decides not to show up or the computers go down in the middle of testing. I hope nothing happens because I'm running a little short on time this term. They also have to present their powerpoints and we're going to have to rush through all of that.
I had a few students start to complain about the fact that I'm not going to have any open labs this week after school and I won't open my lab during lunch. If I was to open my lab during lunch I wouldn't get the break that I so desperately need by that time of the day. Plus, I wouldn't be able to have too much control over who uses my lab.
Ugg. 14 more days.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Day 161
*This post is mostly about me and my job, not my students.*
I am very upset.
I will not be back in the fall teaching at this school. I was told last week on Thursday in a very unprofessional manner (at least it was in my opinion).
When I had gone in for my interview the week previous they had hinted to me that I had a very good chance for keeping my job and continuing on with everything. They said that I would know early the following week whether or not I had the job. Well, Monday came and went, so did Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I met up with another teacher who was in the same situation as I was and she said she finally broke down and just asked the Principal about her job. She was told that she was being replaced with someone with "more experience". No other explanation. When she told me this, my stomach started doing flips. What about my job? is the thought that ran through my mind. I thought I would talk with the Assistant Principal later that day considering she has been on my side since the beginning; but after school came and she was in a meeting. After getting my panic to subside and pasting a smile on my face I knocked on the Principal's office to ask about my job.
He told me to come in and "sit down". Now when someone, especially your boss, tells you to "sit down" that usually doesn't mean good news. I automatically thought in the back of my head I don't have the job. I sat down and he turned to me and said "I'm sorry but the committee and I have decided to go with someone with more experience." He continued to talk saying that it was "the hardest thing he's had to do in a while . . . probably why he's put it off for so long".
I just sat there nodding with that stupid pasted smile on my face.
What seemed like forever was just a few moments and I finally said "well, thanks." and left the office. I was completely stunned. I just walked past the secretary (who is a good friend) and she was able to gather what had happened by the look on my face.
I went to my car and cried. I don't cry, but I was completely overwhelmed and so I let everything just flow.
I felt so stupid to believe that I actually had a shot after my 1 year contract was up. I felt used. I felt like a glorified substitute. What do you mean "more experience?" What have I been doing for the past year . . . babysitting?! If I wasn't doing a good job then why didn't they say so during the school year. It does me absolutely no good to hear it after the fact.
After the shock had worn off I started getting angry (which is the state I'm in now). I didn't want to go back to work the next day. Why was I going to go back to an environment that wasn't conducive to my personal well-being. I felt like it was a hostile environment. I walked into the office the next morning to get something out of my box and I was met with silence. I had walked in to talking and when they saw me it was silence. I didn't look at anyone, kept my eyes forward, got what I needed from my box, and left.
I'm still angry. If he wasn't "boss" enough to actually tell me when they had made the decision, when was he going to tell me . . . after school was completely over? That is what it feels like he was planning on doing.
What really is getting to me right now is that they offer no other explanation as to why I am being let go. I have requested other information and they haven't given me anything. Luckily with my background in law (not to mention my mother's background in law) if they don't give me any other information, the excuse of "more experience" isn't a valid enough reason to fire someone. They have to give more concrete reasons (along with proof) to let someone go from the school system. If they don't, I can take legal action on a few different grounds, one being emotional and psychological distress.
I'm still so mad but I'm also beginning to be on the "downfall" of all this. It is the school's loss that they are not keeping me. I'm taking all my lesson plans with me. Everything I've created. It is, after all, my intellectual property therefore it is copyrighted to me. If this person has "more experience" then they can come in and do things from scratch. Last year I had to build everything up. I didn't have anyone leave me anything. These are my lesson plans, my worksheets, my tests. If this person has "more experience" then have at it.
But I am a survivor. I will survive.
I am very upset.
I will not be back in the fall teaching at this school. I was told last week on Thursday in a very unprofessional manner (at least it was in my opinion).
When I had gone in for my interview the week previous they had hinted to me that I had a very good chance for keeping my job and continuing on with everything. They said that I would know early the following week whether or not I had the job. Well, Monday came and went, so did Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I met up with another teacher who was in the same situation as I was and she said she finally broke down and just asked the Principal about her job. She was told that she was being replaced with someone with "more experience". No other explanation. When she told me this, my stomach started doing flips. What about my job? is the thought that ran through my mind. I thought I would talk with the Assistant Principal later that day considering she has been on my side since the beginning; but after school came and she was in a meeting. After getting my panic to subside and pasting a smile on my face I knocked on the Principal's office to ask about my job.
He told me to come in and "sit down". Now when someone, especially your boss, tells you to "sit down" that usually doesn't mean good news. I automatically thought in the back of my head I don't have the job. I sat down and he turned to me and said "I'm sorry but the committee and I have decided to go with someone with more experience." He continued to talk saying that it was "the hardest thing he's had to do in a while . . . probably why he's put it off for so long".
I just sat there nodding with that stupid pasted smile on my face.
What seemed like forever was just a few moments and I finally said "well, thanks." and left the office. I was completely stunned. I just walked past the secretary (who is a good friend) and she was able to gather what had happened by the look on my face.
I went to my car and cried. I don't cry, but I was completely overwhelmed and so I let everything just flow.
I felt so stupid to believe that I actually had a shot after my 1 year contract was up. I felt used. I felt like a glorified substitute. What do you mean "more experience?" What have I been doing for the past year . . . babysitting?! If I wasn't doing a good job then why didn't they say so during the school year. It does me absolutely no good to hear it after the fact.
After the shock had worn off I started getting angry (which is the state I'm in now). I didn't want to go back to work the next day. Why was I going to go back to an environment that wasn't conducive to my personal well-being. I felt like it was a hostile environment. I walked into the office the next morning to get something out of my box and I was met with silence. I had walked in to talking and when they saw me it was silence. I didn't look at anyone, kept my eyes forward, got what I needed from my box, and left.
I'm still angry. If he wasn't "boss" enough to actually tell me when they had made the decision, when was he going to tell me . . . after school was completely over? That is what it feels like he was planning on doing.
What really is getting to me right now is that they offer no other explanation as to why I am being let go. I have requested other information and they haven't given me anything. Luckily with my background in law (not to mention my mother's background in law) if they don't give me any other information, the excuse of "more experience" isn't a valid enough reason to fire someone. They have to give more concrete reasons (along with proof) to let someone go from the school system. If they don't, I can take legal action on a few different grounds, one being emotional and psychological distress.
I'm still so mad but I'm also beginning to be on the "downfall" of all this. It is the school's loss that they are not keeping me. I'm taking all my lesson plans with me. Everything I've created. It is, after all, my intellectual property therefore it is copyrighted to me. If this person has "more experience" then they can come in and do things from scratch. Last year I had to build everything up. I didn't have anyone leave me anything. These are my lesson plans, my worksheets, my tests. If this person has "more experience" then have at it.
But I am a survivor. I will survive.
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